I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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