Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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