someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My ATM looks so different sober.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
