I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
