Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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