i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
