Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
