I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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