The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
