i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
