yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize