why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
