Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
