i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we made out on top of his cat.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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