When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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