So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
