How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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