so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
