Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
