The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
