She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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