just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
