this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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