The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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