the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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