I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
