In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We named our party play list daddy issues
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
