Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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