Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm going to jail i love you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
