I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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