i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
