I wish life had little blips of pornography
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
