scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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