Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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