So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I touched a dick in church today
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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