i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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