Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
