and next time when you feel me up, do it right
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
