If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
worst night to have a conscience
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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