Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Randomize
