My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
