he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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