I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
