you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
