would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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