Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
