Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
