You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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