god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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