he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
tell me about the fingering
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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