guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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