seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize