Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
