Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
