my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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