she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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