Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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