just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
