You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
