Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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