I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
