your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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