it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
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she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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