omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
