Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
